is it wise to take on more?

As the one year anniversary of my dad's passing approaches, I am sadly, and gratefully, reminded of a few things. 

Some of the sad things are that he is profoundly missed - more than he would have ever known, he didn't get to see the Transit of Venus, he never got that trip to Ukraine, and he didn't write more.

Things I am grateful for, are the many memories I have. The time he caught me in the bar when I was 15 years old. His cryptic financial advice that drove me nuts. How he always offered guests a welcome "schnapps" which meant anything alcoholic. His ability to play any tune upon request on his mandolin without any formal training.

I am taking time to reflect on his curiosity, generosity and humour. His love for community and sports and family. His propensity to volunteer and the fact that he never stopped leaning new things or taking on new new projects.  

During the time of the funeral, my sister and I came across some documents in his computer.  Letters he had started to write and, to the best of my knowledge, never sent. Unfinished thoughts ranging from climate change to technology to part time work opportunities for his grandchildren. We found a particularly well written note outlining challenges he was having with an opinionated priest while serving as President of the Ukrainian Orthodox church in his town. 

One document was titled: Is It Wise To Take On More?

All things happen for a reason, which is perhaps why I married someone who is not hesitant to remind me to "Focus on the task at hand." Such clarity. Clarity that is easy to lose sight of, at least for me, in a results driven world full of distractions and excuses.

I also lose focus by putting unreasonably high expectations on myself. My head gets cluttered because I take on too many projects which stems, I think, from having too much ambition. I end up setting myself up for failure. I have too many ideas and far too many interests, which can sometimes backfire in the worst way and lead to nothing getting accomplished at all.

Perhaps some of it is hereditary. (See below.)

I am currently in the process of writing a manuscript. A task that requires enormous focus, discipline and time. It takes letting go of other things and doing less. It takes...focusing on the task at hand. 

There is a chance my dad would have eventually added another project to plate and started his own blog. If he did I bet it would have been entertaining and enlightening and educational. Posts about golf and astronomy and the health benefits of purselane. I'm guessing that he would have also written about things like cutbacks to education programs, political leadership (or lack thereof) and the importance of language. 

But since he is not here to do that, I am taking the liberty of passing along some of his writing here, posthumously.  

I don't know who this note was addressed to because it wasn't addressed to anyone. Perhaps it was in response to someone asking him to be involved in another organization. Perhaps he was taking stock of where his time and energy was going and questioning what was important to him.  

I'll never know.  

But in his absence, he is very present. His values and insights live on. And if all things happen for a reason, I am posting this now is because it feels like the right thing to do.

"Is It Wise To Take On More? Thoughts from Ted, Oct/06"

Sometimes it is necessary to take a moment and reflect on your involvement and your commitment to yourself and others. There has to be a limit as to how much one would want or need to have on one’s plate and still try to do justice to himself and others around him or her.

Although I was involved in a number of organizations and groups while I was in the work force, I find that that number has increased upon retirement to the point that saying ‘no’ must have its place somewhere. I realize also that certain priorities need to be reviewed periodically.

A brief overview of my present involvement:

- President of UOC - due to aging members, this job involves more than just meetings. I think we are all aware of that.

- STS (Superannuated Teachers of Sask) - Program Coordinator

- Melville Lions Club- Secretary- most of the admin/correspondence/reports and meeting arrangements etc. are in my lap.

- St. John Ambulance - First Aid  duties as required in the community and District. Also Assistant Supt. about to undergo 2 weekends of intensive training. (We’re trying hard to hand the reigns over to younger blood but it’s been painstaking so far).

Crystal Lake UOC Youth Camp - on the Bd.of Directors again; ‘rooked in’for another stint. I thought I was done after serving on that Board in various capacities for over 35 years. Try to get new blood into that camp? Someone from Ituna was supposed to have taken my position but to this day no one has been visible at any meetings.

Order of St. Andrew - (the training institution for Orthodox clergy) - member. With the Yorkton Chapter going on 11^th year-program committee work and occasional bingo volunteer discussions pertaining to the welfare of the Parish, hopefully fruitful.

Other incidental items, as time permits…..volunteer driver for the those who are need  of travel assistance re medical appointments etc. Volunteer tutoring, through Regional College and otherwise; ESL assistance periodic; Meals on Wheels; casual farm help, etc.

I certainly don’t want this to sound like a resume of my retirement and hope it’s not just a boring list of things from my perspective only; I’m sure others, including yourself, have their involvements, commitments etc.

Don’t get me wrong, we still have a life but I find it’s getting more and more taxing on our time of recreation and time with our families. Golfing and Curling do have high priorities with me but along with these come responsibilities of serving on executive committees in these clubs as well.

I’d like to find more time for hiking, cross country skiing, birdwatching, writing family memory episodes, woodworking and painting.

Maybe I need two lifetimes? Marg and I are very thankful to God for continued health, family and friends for being able to live a life of comfort to ourselves and hopefully continue to be of help to those in need.

Should I be taking on more volunteer tasks?  I need to seriously assess the possibility of first dropping something somewhere before I say yes. At this time I should continue to do as much justice to what I have mentioned above and see what the future holds.

I’m not trying to make excuses for accepting other responsibilities, just simply stating the facts.

tonglen & unicorns

Since I have returned to work after the holidays, there has been a woman  greeting me everyday in the lobby of the office building where I work.  

And it's not just me, she is greeting everyone.  The smiling, pretty, young woman stands just inside the entrance saying "Good morning," to every single person who walks through these doors.

I’m not big on new year’s resolutions but if anyone asks, my official answer this year is: not be so hard on myself.  And wear more plaid. 

I need something attainable, immediate, and affordable. 

Part of this discipline, not the plaid part, includes taking time out.  Being in the moment.  Staying present.  Recognizing how and what I feel.  

This is also known as meditation.  

Most recently while meditating, I have been practicing tonglen, which is "a method for awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we might seem to be. " - Pema Chödrön.

To learn more about tonglen, you can read Pema's book, When Things Fall Apart.  

At its core, it is breathing.

If you want to try it, it goes like this.

(1)    Sit and rest your mind in a sense of openness, stillness. 

(2)    Breathe in feelings that are hot, dark, heavy, a sense of claustrophobia.

(3)    Breathe out feelings of cool, bright, light, a sense of freshness.

(4)    Make it personal.  Use a painful situation that is real to you or someone you care about. Do it for yourself if you are feeling inadequate about something.

(5)    Make it bigger.  Do it for everyone who might be feeling the same as the one person you were thinking about.  Do it for people you consider to be your enemies – think of them as having the same confusion or stuckness as yourself. Breathe in their pain and breathe out their relief. 

Pema also states that "People often say that this practice goes against the grain of how we usually hold ourselves together."  

I can't help wondering if Oxford Properties Group, the owner of the building where I work, is trying out tonglen in their own way.

All customers of Waterpark Place got an email last Friday with the subject line that read: Introducing WaterPark Place's Official Greeter. 

The email, in part, reads:

Our research and experience at several of our Toronto office buildings has demonstrated that employees and visitors alike enjoy being recognized, greeted and appreciated by a familiar and helpful person when they arrive at a Class “A” office building. 

The Official Greeter will welcome people to the buildings; provide directions where necessary; answer questions about the complex; be a direct link to the Property Management office; and perhaps provide an umbrella to a customer in need of protection from the rain as they make there way out of the building at lunch time.  In short, they will do what it takes to provide people with a memorable positive customer service experience from the moment they set foot inside WaterPark Place.

It goes on about upcoming renovations to the elevators, lobbies and mezzanine and how the Greeter, Nadine, will undoubtedly be welcomed by everyone.  

Undoubtedly.

In the coming months, I plan to ask Nadine how Oxford Properties Group's non-smoking campaign is going.  See this post for my beef with the building’s smoking policies outside the entrances. 

And, no, I haven't started the documentary yet.  I have not followed up with them, but now with Nadine in the picture, we just might be able to get somewhere.  

So this January, this year, maybe even this life if all goes well...instead of fending off and hiding from fear and suffering I'm going to try to open my heart and allow myself to breathe in the pain of others.  

I will greet Nadine and accept her kindness.  But I will also, on the inhale, take in her stress and worry and fear that I assume goes along with the responsibility of being the Official Greeter of such a property.  And I will exhale feelings of light and freshness for her.  

I will do the same for the smokers that irritate the hell out of me when they light up right beside the bicycle racks. 

And maybe over time, like Pema says, maybe because of this reversal of the usual logic of avoiding suffering, my small amount of compassion will expand.  Perhaps I will be able to find ways to be there for others in what used to seem like impossible situations.  

As crazy as it sounds, if everyone, to the best of his or her ability, gave this accessible and affordable process a go...maybe it would be something that would ultimately soften and purify us and make us all more loving and kind.

It's worth a shot.  


If it doesn't work, we will have tried.  And we can continue to practice kindness and openness in other ways like expanding our knowledge and understanding, by being humble and tolerant and forgiving.   

We can believe in unicorns if it helps.  

Some say the mythical horse is a symbol of purity, elegance and charm.  And Wikipedia says its horn was said to have the power to render poisoned water potable and to heal sickness. 

Perhaps that's why this one stands outside the entrance to the Centre Block in Ottawa.  

Parliamentary tonglen?

spotlight

Here is one way to start your Monday:

Be in the student spotlight of the generosity and loveliness that is Sarah Selecky.

Happy December everyone.

big deal

Last night, the 100th Grey Cup was played in downtown Toronto, where the Toronto Argonauts defeated the Calgary Stampeders 35-22.  

On Saturday, three writers I know were listed on the Globe's top 23 Canadian fiction books of the year.  Eva Stachniak for The Winter Palace, Grace O'Connell  Magnified World, and Heather Birrell for Mad Hope. 

Earlier this month, my writing teacher, friend and inspiration, Sarah Selecky had the US launch of her book, This Cake is for the Party.  

  

And, last Thursday, I was awarded the Random House of Canada 2012 Student Writing Award for my short story, Let Me Call You Lovely.

Each of these accomplishments is, in my opinion, a big deal. And deserves the recognition it receives. 

   

The publication where my short story appears, Three, is small but, a big deal. U of T faculty, Random House staff and the contest judges all had very positive things to say about my writing and the finalists writing like, "remarkable literary outcomes" and "fine writers" and "a fantastic achievement". 

I didn't realize just how big a deal the award was until I arrived at the U of T Faculty Club on Thursday night to celebrate the win along with the finalists and read this, from 2009 winner Anne Perdue, underscoring the importance of the award to her career.  

"A year later, Insomniac Press published my book. I am hugely grateful to the Random House of Canada Student Award in Writing for providing opportunity, prestigious acknowledgement, and validation."

Pretty big deal.

The evening was a tandem celebration for the award's 10th anniversary and at the door, one of the organizers told me they only had name tags printed for VIP guests, faculty, and finalists.  When I introduced myself, she said, "Oooooh, you are the winner! Congratulations. Of course you have a name tag."  

I was the big deal.

I also had to read an excerpt from the story, something the editor had failed to mention to me.  Finding out then and there saved me the worry and concern and neurosis of deciding which bit to read. No rehearsing, no overthinking it, no breathing exercises.

No big deal.   

I am more writer than sports enthusiast lately.  However, I am from Saskatchewan so that makes me a Roughrider fan by default.  My best Grey Cup experience was 23 years ago when I still lived in Saskatchewan. With two seconds left in the game, Dave Ridgway kicked a field goal giving the Riders a 43-40 victory over the Hamilton Tiger Cats in the 1989 Grey Cup.  We jumped in the back of a pick up truck and drove around downtown Regina after the game.  

It was a big deal.  

On Friday, my nephew and his girlfriend came to Toronto for the weekend to attend the game yesterday. They are huge fans (pictured here, front and centre, in green) and along with many other keen CFL lovers, have been roaming the city for the past week. I went to Nathan Philips Square and Yonge and Dundas with them where we did yoga on a makeshift field, tasted new flavours of Frank's Hot Sauce and tossed a football at some tires in a cage. Next year's Grey Cup is in Regina. 

It will be a big deal. 

Whether it's sports or writing or any other thing you want to make a big deal about, below is some wise advice from Natalie Goldberg, a big deal in her own right.  

“Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.” 

the blog heard around the world

No one knows how it started -- I don't, at least -- but writers are linking from blog to blog in a virtual game of 'tag, you're it.' 

In this 10-question interview, writers talk about the Next Big Thing they’re working on, then tag five other writers, each of whom does the same, tagging another five, and so on and so on...a kind of literary chain letter, only not annoying, but fascinating. Really.

For writers, it's an opportunity to share work-in-progress, perhaps refining an idea that hasn't quite taken full shape or revealing a book in the final stages of editing.  For readers, these linked blogs offer a chance to 'look behind the curtain' of the writer's imagination - to see stories before they become books, discovering what inspires and shapes them.

My thanks to novelist, poet and essayist Diana Fitzgerald Bryden for tagging me. 

At the end of this post, I've tagged a few other writers you might want to get to know. Visit their blogs and you may just discover a work-in-progress destined to become the 'next big thing' to read on your bookshelf or e-reader.

So.

Here goes...

What is your working title of your book?

Moving Parts 

Where did the idea come from for the book?

I started writing short stories and they started to add up.  Now there are almost enough for a book.

What genre does your book fall under?

Short story collection.  Fiction.  Short fiction.  

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

If the story, Moving Parts got made into a feature, I think Keira Knightley and Jason Segel would make a good Edie and Ditch, a nerdy pair of star crossed lovers who met in a grocery store line up. There are also several linked stories, that could be a collection of short films where Frances McDormand would be a perfect Yvonne, the neurotic, bug-eyed, dog-loving narrator.  If Let Me Call You Lovely were a movie, Fred Willard should play Uncle Nick, Jennifer Coolige for the role of Charlene and Michael Cera as Jeremy.  My friend's cat, Rockford, could play Jarslberg (see photo below). 
Apart from Cera and the cat, I wish I knew more Canadian actors who fit these roles. 

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

In this collection of stories about striving and longing, sad yet hilarious characters encounter truth, fear, and love in their own peculiar ways; through speculation on the private lives of strangers, through imaginative digressions from the mundane and through careful observation of the ordinary.
A bit rambly, but that's the gist of it.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

To be announced.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Still in the works.  Going on three years. 

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

As an emerging writer I am going to shamelessly compare my work to writers I admire and their books that inspire me, which include Do the Windows Open? by Julie Hecht,  And Also Sharks by Jessica Westhead, No One Belongs Here More Than You: Stories by Miranda July, Open by Lisa Moore, and Pastoralia by George Saunders.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Reading the books listed above.  And, in a way, I was inspired to write these stories because I am fascinated by human behavior.  I notice a lot of weird shit and want to know more about it.  Examine it. Dissect it.  Laugh with it.  Live with it.  Survive it. 

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

My writing has been noted as:

“…remarkably assured prose and full of unexpected and wonderfully bizarre detail.” – Grace O’Connell

“…hilarious, smart, cutting, wry, careful, moving…” - Sarah Selecky

“…rich in voice, satisfying in narrative…” - Zsuzsi Gartner

“…compelling...with surprising leaps of imagination…” – Jessica Westhead and Matthew J. Trafford

Below is a short excerpt from Let Me Call You Lovely, winner of the 2012 Random House Creative Writing Award through The School of Continuing Studies at the University of Toronto.

***

Uncle Nick had named all the cats after cheeses.  Gouda, Brie, Kojak (from Colby-Jack) and Zola, (short for Gorgonzola).  They were all adoptions from The Toronto Cat Rescue, except Zola who came from the Internet.

“Have you seen that Kajiji?” Nick said to Jeremy, “Every five minutes another goddamn animal goes up for adoption.”

Last month, there was a new one.  Neither a rescue nor an adoption, but a little orange stray that started hanging around the yard.  Nick let her in and started feeding her.  He called her Jarlsberg. Jarlsberg had taken to sleeping in the basement with Jeremy. Repeatedly, he had woke to the cat curled up beside his head, purring in his ear. Not only did she sit outside the bathroom door while Jeremy showered, the cat followed him around while he dressed and stared at him while he watched The Dragon’s Den on his laptop. She would carry bits of particleboard from upstairs in her mouth and drop them at Jeremy’s feet and wait.  When Jeremy kicked the scrap wood away, Jarslberg would bat it around the room then bring it back to Jeremy’s feet.  She’d stare at it until Jeremy kicked it for her again.

Nick and Charlene had been renovating for the last nine years.  Any time Jeremy had stopped in with his mother to see Uncle Nick, the place was in a new state of disarray. Sheets of drywall were stacked against frames of two by fours in the dining room. An unfinished kitchen floor was lined with buckets of plaster.   Loose wires sprouted from light fixtures that were not fully installed.  But visitors were always welcome.  Nick would throw a sheet of plastic on the dining room table and offer them herbal tea and some gluten free cake or cookie--Charlene was allergic. 

It was difficult to have conversations with Nick and Charlene because they often spoke at the same time.

            “We’re going to work on the bathroom this week,” he’d say.

And Charlene, “Nicky’s changed his mind about the layout again.”

Nick loved anything with stained glass so the windows were the only parts of house that were finished. The front door housed a particularly intricate landscape design along with a small window beside it that was made of a combination of orange and yellow stars.  The three tall windows in the dining room contained sections of coloured glass that cast patterns on the plastic liner where they drank their tea.

“Isn’t it the most lovely and amazing thing?” Charlene said.

And Nick, “Would you look at that goddamn light.” 

*** 

And now I’m tagging a few talented writers. Visit their sites and find out about them and their work.  

Ann Shin

Melanie Tinken

Christna Fletcher

I had hoped to get five writers, but didn't.  
Some may still show up so come back.

Message for tagged authors:
Rules of the Next Big Thing
***Use this format for your post
***Answer the ten questions about your current WIP (work in progress)
***Tag five (or as many as you can) other writers/bloggers and add their links so we can hop over and meet them.
Ten Interview Questions for the Next Big Thing:
What is your working title of your book?
Where did the idea come from for the book?
What genre does your book fall under?
Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Who or what inspired you to write this book?
What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Include the link of who tagged you and this explanation for the people you have tagged.
Be sure to line up your five people in advance.

back to school

September has that crisp, cool feel about it.

New book bags, binders, and blue jeans.  The air is lighter, foliage is in transition and everything starts to calm down and settle in.  It's like running your hand across a freshly made bed.

That, and there is learning to be done.

I'm heading into week four of a writing course called Found in Translation.

What happens is, we are given a translation (the bare bones) of a poem from its original language - so far we have covered Chinese, Spanish and Russian.  Then we translate it into our own words, while still honouring the poet's choice of words and, ideally, maintaining their intention, meaning, and vision.

That's what happens.  

But there is much more to it than that, of course.

It's an online class taught by long time Zen practitioner, author, teacher Peter Levitt and is made up of people from Germany, Scotland, Israel, Italy, Vancouver Island, the USA, the GTA and various parts of Ontario.

So many perspectives.  So great.

Week one most of us didn't understand the instructions of what to do or the actual assignment and went ahead and did the work anyway.

The result?

Learning.

Learning through being vulnerable, through not knowing, through trust, intuition, letting go, slowing down, and having confidence.

This approach to writing is not easy.  It's different than anything I have ever done.  It's challenging, enlightening, frustrating, fascinating, tiring, and...highly enjoyable.

We have spent a fair amount of discussion on the value of rigour and discipline.  Of facing things as they are, and keep coming back to this image:

Once inside the bamboo tube
the snake
finds a new way

I'll say.

And I'll say this.  I find bits of this course - this careful, subtle, process - seeping into other areas of my life.  I am doing other things more wholeheartedly, with more honesty, with fewer constraints.

I think it is healthy to be reminded about the value of rigour and discipline.  A useful quote that Peter shared with us is from CG Yung on the definition of discipline: "Discipline is the obedience to awareness."

Good advice for writing, and, well, everything else.

Like skydiving, for example.

Last weekend I did a whole lot of learning about formation skydiving at Skydive Burnaby.  And a lot of that learning had to do with facing things as they are.  A lot of it was about being relaxed and focussed.  It was about trust, intuition, letting go, slowing down, and having confidence.

I edited a highlight video of the jumps I did and posted it here.

Poetry in motion?

You tell me.

better choices

On February 7, 2010 Chad Olsen ran a red light and slammed into the car of Krista and Brad Howe, killing them instantly, orphaning their five children.

Last week, in a Red Deer Alberta court room, Olsen was given full parole after serving 16 months of an original 27 month sentence.

Sandra Green, Krista's mother, continues to fight for stiffer penalties against drunk drivers.

"It went exactly as I thought it would go, knowing what our system is...that doesn't represent justice in any way as far as I'm concerned," Green told the Calgary Sun.

Sandra happens to be my mom's cousin.  I spent summer vacations with her and her family in Northern Saskatchewan.  She and the rest of the family are coping as well as they can.  Coping with a situation that was entirely preventable.  

The fact that she continues to move forward and fight for penalties for drunk driving that are swift, certain and severe is a testimony to her strength and courage.  What are her options?  Stop and give up?  Keep quiet and leave things status quo?  It won't take the pain away.  It won't lessen the family's grief.  It won't bring Brad and Krista back.   

Sadly, we live in a system that does not support a court of justice, but a court of law.

And if government wanted to change the laws, they would change the laws.

Olsen's initial 27 month sentence was increased to 42 months, then he got parole.  Even if he regrets what he did and is taking steps to change, it doesn't feel like the penalty was enough.  And if the sentence wasn't served, what message does that send?

Justice is one thing, and prevention another.  A focus on prevention i.e. stiffer penalties, would be an effort to stop, or lessen, events like this from happening.  Events that will only stop happening if people start making different choices.  

I'm currently working on a project for the Heart and Stroke Foundation and the message for heart health is: prevention.  Eat right, quit smoking, exercise, get enough rest.  

The cost of medical treatment and lost productivity for chronic diseases in Canada is estimated at $80 billion annually and climbing.  That number should not be that high for things that are largely...preventable.

But, we are flawed and continue to poison our bodies and minds for whatever reasons we can find.

Among the distractions and noise and excuses it seems obvious that we should be making better choices:  maintain a healthy lifestyle, do your best, don't judge, want what you have, volunteer, don't drink and drive. 

But if people wanted to make better choices, they would make better choices.

Unfortunately, nothing will change what has happened as a result of one very bad choice.

Google Brad and Krista Howe, Sandra Green, or Chad Olsen to find more articles and videos like this  The Edmonton Journal article or the video the CBC.   There is also a facebook page in their memory.
And an interview with Karla Green, who is now caring for her nieces and nephew.